Thursday, January 26, 2006

Capital Punishment Stops A Beating Heart

We have been waking up to NPR in the morning, rather than the obnoxious beep. It's basically like mainlining the day's news into your unconscious, because you find yourself knowing things about Hamas and the Parliamentary elections in Palestine and the latest awful local car wreck, but can't really remember how you know.

One morning there was a story about Democrats for Life and how Democrats for Life are against abortion but support measures like better sex education (well, better -- abstinence education isn't really sex education) ("The penis does this and goes here AND YOU MUST NEVER DO THIS" etc.), and better childcare programs for young/single/working mothers (and hell, probably better childcare for working families), and better access to birth control, and all sorts of things that would actually improve the situation. Things that I'm solidly in favor of.

I've gone through a lot of evolution in terms of my - well, can I say political identity? - in the last 10 years, going from being a staunch Objectivist to being slightly to the right of unwashed, tree-hugging hippie pacifist. (I take showers.) When I got to college, I firmly believed that abortion was immoral. At my first quarter at Ohio State, I took an intro Philosophy class, and the second assignment was a paper about abortion. We read arguments (about violinists and kidneys and theives coming through the window, if I remember correctly - or maybe the violinist and kidney thing was my example, or maybe I twisted it somehow...) on either side of the debate. And I pulled my first college all-nighter reading, and writing, and thinking about abortion, and decided unequivocally, once and for all, that I'm pro-life.

I think abortion is immoral. In the case of rape, I think the child should be brought to term and given up for adoption. (Side note - has adoption just completely dropped out of the debate? Is it no longer considered a viable option? It wasn't mentioned in the Democrats for Life story, or on their website, and it doesn't seem to come up in public discourse much any more. Or am I just missing it?) In the case of the life-of-the-mother, I do believe that it's acceptable, for reasons that I worked out at about 3 in the morning when I was a freshman. I'm sure I still have the flowcharts and syllogisms somewhere. Incest, I do not know. Please, people, stop committing incest. Erg. I would come down on the yes-it's-okay side, but would prefer to try to head that one off at the pass.

And yet I hate pro-lifers with the kind of fiery passion normally reserved (in my soul, at least) for members of the Bush administration. Well, and civilian hummer drivers. (But, hey, good news! The new, marginally smaller H3 gets gas mileage in the double digits now! Hurrah!) The interviewer spoke to a mainstream pro-lifer who said that the Democrats for Life were going about it the wrong way, because we need to stress the fact that abortion is IMMORAL. It should be ILLEGAL because it is IMMORAL.

Right, because the years of waving grotesque signs and screaming at people on the street have clearly solved the problem.

The reason I can't fucking stand the pro-lifers is that their best idea about how to deal with this problem, the problem of abortion, is to wave signs and scream at people. They feel morally superior and don't have to think a whit about it.

So, I'm philosophically pro-life and politically/functionally/for practical intents pro-choice. I think abortion is immoral, but I think abstinence-only education (that is, denying young adults honest information about sex) is immoral. I think that denying birth control to unmarried women is immoral. Rape and incest are immoral. Accepting a society where you deny a woman access to both an abortion (as in states such as Missouri and South Dakota, which each have but a single abortion clinic that every day face legal maneuvers aimed toward shutting them down) and to decent childcare is immoral.

But all that won't fit on a legible sign, and who would I go scream at anyway? It's a complicated problem. It has multiple causes. Perhaps someday we can address these. But the cause of the problem is not the fact that people are allowed to have abortions. The legality of abortion does not result directly in unwanted pregnancies. I suspect there were one or two unwanted pregnancies before abortion was legal.

The other facet of the debate is the control over women's bodies issue. I sympathize with this. I agree that women, rather than men, should have the power of decision-making over their own bodies. And yet, the thing that it comes down to for me, and the reason that I'm at heart pro-life, is because the new clump of cells isn't the woman's body. It's in the woman's body. It needs the woman's body to survive. Half of it once was a part of the woman's body. But I can't get past the turn where you say that it's not its own thing. Because it is its own something. Not necessarily a baby, or an unborn child, but something.

I guess the point that I'm finding myself at, after writing all this, is that regardless of whether you can get around that turn or not - and a lot of people I respect can - nobody wants abortions to happen. Nobody is pro-abortion. Nobody likes abortions. But instead of throwing our millions of dollars on both sides at the problem - access to information, birth control, counseling, child care - everyone is throwing it at ads and political candidates who want to change things from the top down.

Abortion is a solution. It's a bad solution to a complicated (and age old) problem. Packing the Supreme Court is not going to solve the problem of unwanted pregnancies. It's going to cause more problems of needed doctors being put in jail, of unsafe medical procedures, and more financial strains on already strained women/families.

The more I think about it, the more puzzling the behavior of the abortion protesters becomes. What do they think will happen if (when?) Roe is overturned? Will they have earned a spot in heaven? Will teenagers stop having sex? How is this going to be miraculous?

I was ultimately disappointed with the Democrats for Life, because it sounded in the news story that this was a group that wanted to address the underlying causes of the problem that abortion solves, but their website is the same empty, stupid rhetoric about the Unborn. You know, 'cause it's working so well for the Right.

Monday, January 23, 2006

That's What Happens When Worlds Collide

Wow. I've just seen CSI Miami (well, the first half hour of an episode) and have no choice but to conclude that if there is a God, It is not a merciful one. (Haha, just kidding - there's no God!)

So, for all you junior detectives out there, here are some tips I cribbed on how to solve crime (and look totally kickass in the process!):

1) If you're not the boss, refer to the boss exclusively as "boss."
2) If you are the boss, use your underlings' names every time you address them. ("Kelly.")
3) Clues are like pellets when you type the right things into computers.
4) Computers make noises to tell you what is going on. Don't worry about studying the noises ahead of time; you will know what they mean.
5) Reason out loud. Remember: an unspoken thought is no thought at all. If you're the boss and you have an idea about how to solve the crime, announce it to your underling and instruct them to take the necessary steps to pursue it. ("Kelly, we find that silencer, we find the killer.") If you're an underling and have an idea, ask the boss a question. ("Boss, do you think the killer used a silencer?")
6) Remember the little comments your coworkers make and think of some way to mention the same thing the next time you talk to them. ("Organic chemistry.")
7) When speaking to anyone potentially (and however tangentially) related to the crime, be sure to invent a motive and accuse them of it. Example:

Boss: Hey, Kelly.
Kelly: Hey, boss - want some coffee?
Boss: And is that why you faked her abortion, planted a fetus in the dumpster, and had her body frozen in an abandoned salmon fishery?
Kelly: Decaf okay?

Remember: if you keep this up, eventually someone will confess.

8) Shorten any and all crime-related words that you can think of. "Tats" means "tattoos," "perps" means "perpetrators" [of the crime]. You also may want to pioneer the use of the word "vics," for "victims."
9) Refer to sex crudely.
10) Sneer.

Sorry I can't tell you how to ultimately solve crimes. I'm sure if I'd watched the end of the show, I would have learned how, but I'm secure in the knowledge that the bad guy (or girl! ha, not really - girls don't kill people) is in jail. Sneer sneer.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

fuck. a. roo.

Since we moved to this stinktown, we have lost the following:

*one independent ice cream shop
*two independent music stores
*one independent bookstore (real books that people buy to read for pleasure or interest, not textbooks)
*one indie radio station
*one kickass old diner
*(updated) one independent photo development place.

This is seriously fucking depressing. I just found out about the second music store, and now literally will have to drive 2.5 hours to get to the last one that I know about. I guess it's nothing but internets from here on out.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Mozarella Foxfire

Okay, so I finished the burnt pumpkin legwarmer, and I think I'm going to have to frog it and start over.

I typed that so candidly that you might have no inclination as to how much it pains me to have to frog this legwarmer, made of the whispy and therefore nearly unfroggable yarn, which I spent HOURS (HOURS HOURS HOURS) working on, as the stupid pattern I made up called for an increase between every two stitches (starting with 64 stitches) two times and now my hands hurt from binding off 360 stitches.

Gah.

In other news, I may have said this before, but this is consistently the funniest blog I've ever read.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

The Space Age


Toss me the keys to the hovercraft, please.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

I'm an artist, take five

I have lots of pictures of nature, too, but this is today's picture.

Um, so, has anyone noticed that the current ruler has started using one scandal to distract from the last scandal? I guess raising the yellow to orange stopped working, or at least started generating more suspicion than fear.

I was talking to a professor and friend of Other's a few weeks ago, and asked him why nobody is willing to say that anyone else is "lying." They're dispensing misinformation, disinformation, they're saying things that are "counterfactual," they're "dissembling." They may be intentionally misleading. They're "disingenuous." But nobody's ever lying. Oh, heavens no. He said that it's just not done - it's not passe, exactly, but bad taste or bad form, or something like that. (The vagueness is accountable to my poor memory and not his inartculateness.)

But people, I think it's time for the word.

I guess the most disturbing part is that King George isn't bothering to lie about this latest whole "spying on Americans without an easy-to-obtain warrant" thing. This represents a new step in the terrifying progression of his presidency. He's broken the law, obviously, purposefully, repeatedly, secretly, and he's not even bothering to deny it. The argument they're providing for its lawfulness is somehow like a turnabout with two dead ends: 1) the congress justified it with their vote on Sept. 18, 2001, which gave the president wartime powers, and 2) they couldn't take what they wanted to do to the congress because the congress clearly wouldn't go for it.

Um... This is the worst logic I've ever seen, and I've graded hundreds of freshman composition papers.

But who cares? The logic doesn't matter. He can do it because he's the president. For years he's shown a disconcerting lack of understanding of the purpose of checks and balances, saying once that the Congress had "no right" to vote down something he wanted passed. And I can't tell you how many times Other and I have repeated the words "I'm the prezzi-dent," drawn from an actual quote sometime in the first term.

The whole NSA thing needs to be huge. There needs to be an impeachment. (If only we could trick King George into accepting a blow job from an intern.)

Here is a line of reasoning I'd like to hear: the Republicans seem to think that Democrats (and anyone else daring to disagree with them) are unpatriotic, unamerican, hell, probably even enemies of freedom. If we're not with him, we're against him, right? How much more against him can you be than trying to make him not be president anymore?

I'm not saying that King George has declared John Kerry an enemy combatant, but seriously, these are the same people who ran an ad associating Max Clelland (a triple-amputee Vietnam veteran) with Osama bin Laden. For a long time I've believed that that sort of thing was empty (but powerful, for those of us not paying much attention) rhetoric - but what if they actually believe that Max Clelland, and people like him, are on the same level as bin Laden?

Well, that would justify spying on just about anyone, wouldn't it? In the name of security? If it would be catastropic to get a pansy-ass bleeding-heart liberal flip-flopper in the White House, then how could spying on his campaign possibly be wrong?

I have no proof, nor even a claim that this has happened. But following the logical road these people are building, this sort of argument is practically the next exit. They say they're spying on terrorists. They're defining "terrorist." This is double-plus ungood.

It doesn't seem like there would be any point to setting up this Unitary Executive and then taking a chance on losing the next election. But under what circumstances would Americans possibly go for allowing the same regime to continue? I'd guess that the same circumstances leading to the Patriot Act and the declaration of the War on Terror might help.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

grammatical relativism can be very disconcerting.

Today I touched hedgehog and it was a cool experience. For me. The hedgehog spent the whole time curled in a ball, and he has a serious startle reflex that made it seem the whole time that he was on edge.

I'm not a big fan of the animal ambassadors, because it really doesn't seem fair to the animals. The penguin seemed to enjoy it, but maybe we should leave the hedgehog alone.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

burnt pumpkin legwarmers

I'm going to die of talking.

Okay!

I took this last week, actually, last Saturday. I've taken more, but they're not particularly interesting.

In other news, I must sadly report that society has devolved to the point that no less than three times in the last half of a year I have witnessed the use of a cellular phone - that is, it was turned on and being used to communicate -

IN A PUBLIC BATHROOM.

Isn't that the second horse of the apocalypse or something? Using a cell phone in a public bathroom? Where other people, perfect strangers, are USING THE BATHROOM?

I had a friend in high school who really enjoyed making people uncomfortable and expeded a lot of effort toward this goal, who would talk on the phone while she used the bathroom. That was bad enough. But these people are broadcasting other people's sounds, sounds that I firmly belive that the producing individuals should have exclusive rights to.

The worst one was a drunk (DRUNK) woman at Don Pablo's. The fact that she was so very drunk made it a little less awful - impaired judgement and all that - but counterbalancing this was the fact that she had it set on the walkie-talkie setting that I've noticed is significantly more popular with working class people. It bleeps and then the other person's voice comes through, loud, and then the user presses a button and bleeps back. (And yes, I'm sure they're cell phones and not actually walkie-talkies. I don't know why broadcasting your conversation within a 20-foot radius is a more attractive option than holding the thing up to your ear.)

X: I'M So DRUNK!!
Y: WHERE ARE YOU?
X: DON PABLOS!
Y: WHO ELSE IS THERE?

et cetera.

The only good part of this whole thing is that I've never enjoyed flushing so much in my life.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Sloopy's a LADY?!


Okay! So, my friend who is also kind of turning out to be my muse, sent me a link to Swirly Girl, whose journal is based around gorgeous pictures - looks like one a day.

And so, today, I was like, Okay! I'd been meaning to carry my camera around anyway, because there always seems to be good stuff to take pictures of (even here) and I used to carry it around and that was good. So, I got it out today and stuck it in my bag and: voila: ...

Okay, well, it's up at the top. You've probably already noticed it.

But, anyway, this is part of an attempt to be conscious of beauty in the world that I'm normally overlooking. For instance, tonight as I was walking from the bookstore to my car, I looked up to find two stoplights perfectly framed in the empty flower pot hangers on a light post. The sky was darkening, a shade of vibrant blue that only happens for 3 minutes at night, and so I walked back to the car and got the camera and took the picture. It was too dark, and I wasn't able to hold still well enough, so it didn't really come out. But it, like the pots and the mail, is a start. From now on I will make the walk back to the car and take the picture. So to speak.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

There's no rap in Houghten.

I'm so glad the Monkees are oldies now, because that means they're somewhere on the dial again.

Here is a thought I've had for a while: It's a lot of pressure to be a songwriter, and especially one that actually makes it into the seemingly ever-dwindling pile of songs that get played eighty times a day in a single city, because sooner or later someone's last words will be the words you wrote, belted out at the top of lungs, out of key, right before a horriffic car wreck. And I ask: can you live with that?

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

san quentin tarantino

I am feeling like: okay!

Like a really drunk person (maybe in a tutu and army boots and smeared mascara) trying to get up the willpower and the ability to walk straight to climb many, many stairs.

Okay!

I can do this!

Yesterday I got so excited about being creative and having good ideas that I couldn't sleep and instead got out the journal and wrote and drew and then could barely get up this morning. ROCK! I'm going to be creative, and celebrate (you know, existence and stuff), and be happy!

I want to make:

* a double wedding ring mini-quilt for my friends' wedding in March
* legwarmers - my own pattern - going to have to be on double-pointed needles because hell if I'm going to spend $15 on a 12" circular (Addi Turbos) set that I'll use exactly twice, once for each leg, or spend $3 on whale jawbone.
* a mini-quilt for my mom with this style of bright-on-black fabrics that she's admired and will not match a single room in the house, including hallways, the laundry room, or closets.
* a bunch of other stuff I can't think of right now.

But, double wedding rings are hard. Really hard. And I don't really know what paper piecing is, though I've pretended to on many occasions, and jeez, will you look at the points on this thing? AND the curves? And I want me to strip piece the what in the what now? No, seriously, what?

But it's a double wedding ring quilt. For weddings.

So I'm feeling like I'll be the drunk girl desperately trying to keep her shit together despite the fact that she's sewn the damn thing 8 times now and yet the point is still rhomboid rather than pointy but if I just try hard enough to get it right I have to. It must be possible to get it right.

I can cop out on the double wedding ring thing, which might not look great on a not-full-sized quilt anyway, and instead do a variation on the theme of the engagement ring, which they designed together (and is not all diamond-y but is rather circles and birthstones). I could get away with applique and it might be more personal and definitely there is a smaller percent chance that I'll have to re-sew more than three times.

But it always ends up being 10 - every day this happens - and then sleep must be planned for and then tomorrow, lunch and work and everything.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Even though I'm like, way legal

I've said my piece about resolutions before, so I won't go into that again. I'm proud to announce, however, that both the anti-resolutions of last year were realized: E. started a website* and I got paid for some creative work.



*which I won't link to^ but you can e-mail me if you want it - it's worth it

^because he unabashedly reveals his identity (among other things) and because to me the internets will always be stuck in 1994 mode, where pedophiles lurk in the Prodigy Kids' Club** and I'm not ready to give up the anonymity

**remember that?

Now with 20% more computer-crashey goodness

Here are some secret things that are weird but that I would’ve been happy to get for Christmas:

Scotch Gloss Finish MultiTask Tape – refill pack
Scotch clear Super Strong Packing tape
new skin liquid bandage
Cranberry Felt Dansko Professional Clogs (less weird than expensive)

and did not (though I got many excellent things in their places – I’m not complaining – but how do you ask someone for tape for Christmas?) and so promptly bought for myself.

Luckily, for I am nothing if not lucky, just now fate presented me with a chance to use the new skin Liquid Bandage, a product I have been eyeing for years now, (and which would have enhanced the Christmas knitting experience greatly, when I got two separate small but painful injuries right along the path the yarn takes in my hands), when I smashed my &*^%!ing @^$)&^ thumb in the !#%^#ing ^*%#@^*!@%&*#ing screen door. (I don’t even know what word that last one stands for – that’s how you know how bad it hurt.)

I will keep you posted on the performance of the new skin Liquid Bandage. I plan to apply it once the bleeding stops.

update: INTENSE STINGING SENSATION. Of course, the fact that the stuff smells like nail polish remover was a hint that that might happen. And the fact that the label says "alcohol 6.7%".