faces in the woodgrain
I have some things to say about Old Spice Classic Scent Body Wash. First, a dramatization:
The scene: a steamy bathroom. A male voice sings some Metallica song from the '90s in a way not quite as metal as the original...
[Grover-like cry]: HiYA!
[Voice from the shower, as he grabs the shower curtain and clutches it around himself]: Eeek! What the--?! Is there a ninja in the bathroom?
[Voiceover, possibly done by James Earl Jones]: Hahaha, no, dear bather - that's just Old Spice as it 'slams away dirt and odor*.'
You see, Old Spice doesn't get you clean in a gentle, feminine, nice way. It gets you clean violently and forcefully. Old Spice tears off the head of odor and spits down its neck. Proctor & Gamble is working hard to fight the pervasive stereotype that smelling good implies weakness, and is only something women do, like shaving your legs or something.
But violent imagery isn't the only trick up P&G's sleeve. You may have heard, if you've ever taken a rhetoric class, about the various kinds of appeals you can make, such as appeals to authority, appeals to logic, appeals to emotion. There are sub-appeals, too, which tend to correspond to people's needs and desires. This is why there are so many women and volleyball games in beer commercials.
P&G could do the whole logical, straightforward "smelling good will make women want to have sex with you" thing, but maybe Axe has beaten them up to and over that edge. So instead, they have gone with the less-poplar Appeal To Grandparents' Sexuality.
That's right. Says the back of the Old Spice Classic Scent Body Wash bottle (in a forceful, all-caps font) THE ORIGINAL. IF YOUR GRANDFATHER HADN'T WORN IT, YOU WOULDN'T EXIST.
Old Spice: Makin your grandma horny since, like, 1930.
This appeal is at once dead-on (my grandfather wore Old Spice, in fact I still have a bottle of it that was his), logical (you know this stuff will make women want to have sex with you because your existence is proof of it), primordial (holy shit, a cultural mating ritual I can participate in), appealingly racy (sex!), and really really really gross (ew).
Proctor & Gamble, have you heard of the incest taboo? I mean, when I started writing this post, I was going to end by saying that make whatever appeals you want to, I like how the stuff smells (probably because it's been in my unconscious about as long as I've had an unconscious) and that's that. But now... now I'm a little skeeved out.
*direct quote
The scene: a steamy bathroom. A male voice sings some Metallica song from the '90s in a way not quite as metal as the original...
[Grover-like cry]: HiYA!
[Voice from the shower, as he grabs the shower curtain and clutches it around himself]: Eeek! What the--?! Is there a ninja in the bathroom?
[Voiceover, possibly done by James Earl Jones]: Hahaha, no, dear bather - that's just Old Spice as it 'slams away dirt and odor*.'
You see, Old Spice doesn't get you clean in a gentle, feminine, nice way. It gets you clean violently and forcefully. Old Spice tears off the head of odor and spits down its neck. Proctor & Gamble is working hard to fight the pervasive stereotype that smelling good implies weakness, and is only something women do, like shaving your legs or something.
But violent imagery isn't the only trick up P&G's sleeve. You may have heard, if you've ever taken a rhetoric class, about the various kinds of appeals you can make, such as appeals to authority, appeals to logic, appeals to emotion. There are sub-appeals, too, which tend to correspond to people's needs and desires. This is why there are so many women and volleyball games in beer commercials.
P&G could do the whole logical, straightforward "smelling good will make women want to have sex with you" thing, but maybe Axe has beaten them up to and over that edge. So instead, they have gone with the less-poplar Appeal To Grandparents' Sexuality.
That's right. Says the back of the Old Spice Classic Scent Body Wash bottle (in a forceful, all-caps font) THE ORIGINAL. IF YOUR GRANDFATHER HADN'T WORN IT, YOU WOULDN'T EXIST.
Old Spice: Makin your grandma horny since, like, 1930.
This appeal is at once dead-on (my grandfather wore Old Spice, in fact I still have a bottle of it that was his), logical (you know this stuff will make women want to have sex with you because your existence is proof of it), primordial (holy shit, a cultural mating ritual I can participate in), appealingly racy (sex!), and really really really gross (ew).
Proctor & Gamble, have you heard of the incest taboo? I mean, when I started writing this post, I was going to end by saying that make whatever appeals you want to, I like how the stuff smells (probably because it's been in my unconscious about as long as I've had an unconscious) and that's that. But now... now I'm a little skeeved out.
*direct quote
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