Make a new plan, Stan
After months of careful research, scientific observation, and calculation, I have reverse-engineered the grocery store's criteria for determining whether an item gets its own plastic bag.
An item needs its own bag if any of the following criteria are met:
1) The item is fragile (eggs, fruit, glass containers)
2) The item has a "gross factor," like association with such things as salmonella (raw chicken) or being rather slimy (fried chicken)
3) The item is heavy (a 1-gallon container of orange juice with its own handle)
4) The item is big (cereal)
5) The item is round (canned food)
6) The item has corners of any kind (boxes of granola bars)
7) The item exhibits any of the physical properties of matter, including but not limited to: having mass, taking up space, or reflecting light.
An item needs its own bag if any of the following criteria are met:
1) The item is fragile (eggs, fruit, glass containers)
2) The item has a "gross factor," like association with such things as salmonella (raw chicken) or being rather slimy (fried chicken)
3) The item is heavy (a 1-gallon container of orange juice with its own handle)
4) The item is big (cereal)
5) The item is round (canned food)
6) The item has corners of any kind (boxes of granola bars)
7) The item exhibits any of the physical properties of matter, including but not limited to: having mass, taking up space, or reflecting light.
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