I'm on malaria pills and trying to tan.

I come from a long line of pasty, sturdy peoples. I got a couple bad sunburns as a child, and one glorious summer, I spent the right amount of time outside every day and ended up with an actual tan. I think I was 14. For my middle school years, I'd just learned about how white women in earlier centuries actually valued paleness, would go to lengths like carrying parasols (for suns!) to avoid becoming tan, so I adopted that beauty standard and remained happily pale.

But it would be pretty stupid to turn up in Central America the color I am, which is currently Whiter than a Lawrence Welk Christmas Special. After close to an hour in the afternoon sun, I appear to be A Bit Pinkish. If I can get to Definitely Pink before I leave, I think I have a shot at avoiding Too Burned to Move or Put on Clothes.