26

I hope to never be disappointed with aging. I don't want to complain, I don't want to fear 30. That is always the storyline that age takes, and I think there's more to it than that.

I try to be fundamentally critical, or at least conscious of, what the culture teaches and values, and so when the culture values youth and you are moving through your youth, it is very hard to feel like you're not squandering it in some way. So today I kind of felt like, shit, there goes year 25 -- I probably should've done more with it. But getting down to the details, I think I've done okay. I bought my own domain, I made a bunch of quilts, I got a straight job. Things got better this year.

Though I never felt like a "typical" teenager and in fact seriously resented the stereotype of teenagers in our culture, I'm living the cliche 20s. I'm aimless. Dunno what I want to do. I kind of do, and am taking steps toward it, baby steps. Am, like so many middle- to upper-class women in their 20s, putting off children. Part of the Aimless 20s is, I think, that nobody takes you seriously. Just yesterday one of my co-workers was bandying about the phrase "some 20-some-year-old" and I was like, hi. I can hear you. Sure can't wait until I hit 30 and suddenly know stuff.

The years do seem to be going faster. I will try to look around and value 26 every once in awhile.